the post office maniac

it had been a long day. mentally, i was spent or at least that is what i am claiming in response to my actions. (you will understand later.) i was busy putting erate applications together while juggling my routine tasks of answering phones, creating call tickets, and solving simple user error problems. (for those who do not know me, i am the call center technician for a school district in utah.)

by 3pm i had finished the erate business and decided to head to the post office. deadlines were nearing and i needed to get them sent off....okay, i was sending in the applications ahead of time, but it felt like procrastination to me. as your typical A personality, it was necessary for me to get things done correctly, quickly, and efficiently ahead of schedule!

i jumped into my mini cooper and headed to the post office. as i rounded the corner to the lobby, i saw the massive line of awaiting humans filing back into the PO Box section. i reluctantly went to the back of the line and prepared myself for the long haul. after 1 minute in the long haul, the automated post office station caught my eye. and guess what??? no line. i quickly stepped out of the massive line and took my place in front of the self-serve inspired machine and secretly bashed the people waiting in the massive line by saying, "suckas!!!" i went through the step by step instructions, answered all the questions, and clicked on the finish button. the only thing left to do was payment.

before leaving the office, i grabbed a few dollars from petty cash. i noticed the money slot...or what i thought was the money slot...and began gingerly feeding my dollar into the machine. much to my dismay, my dollar was not being accepted. after my third failed attempt to insert the dollar, i realized this money slot looked different from any other money slot i had ever seen. in fact, this money slot looked uncannily like a credit card slot. as i mentioned earlier, i was mentally spent. oh, my damn! yes, folks, i was trying to feed my dollar bill into a credit card slot. as you can imagine, the slot was thinner and in vertical position...what was i thinking??? i answered my own question...i must look like a fool! oh no!!! the massive line behind me; the line i silently berated had been watching me this whole time. i'm sure they're chuckling at the amateur trying to insert bills into the obvious credit card slot.

realizing that i would have to rejoin the massive line because i only had cash on me, i mustered up as much dignity and courage as i could find and i turned toward my judgers. nobody seemed to be chuckling, but i could feel the silent enjoyment i had just supplied them with. the line had gotten significantly longer! ashamed and embarrassed, i sauntered to the back of the line and once again prepared myself for the long haul. 35 minutes later i was the next person in line for help. i stepped up to the desk and quickly explained to the teller that i needed to send this package by ground with delivery confirmation. because i had already answered the questions for the electronic teller/automated post office machine, i supplied the "real life" teller with all the answers before she could ask them. she asked me if i came here a lot; i tried to make myself feel better and answered, "all the time." she replied, "it seems."

i handed 3 dollars to the teller, received my change, and headed for the door. still going over the humiliation of my money slot turned credit card slot diabolical, i fastened my seat belt and started to pull out of the parking lot. the man who was behind me in line was exiting the post office.

again, let me tell you that i was mentally spent or perhaps on my way to losing my mind.

regardless, i saw the man and his yorkie making their way towards my car. i hadn't noticed the man having a dog with him in line, but i was so humiliated about my previous actions that it did not surprise me. as the approaching pair got closer and closer, i began to panic. man, pick up your dog! i don't want to run over your yorkie. the man was watching me and i was subconsciously pleading with him to control his dog. during these 2 seconds my car continued to roll forward. after realizing my pleadings were not going to be answered, i panicked and slammed on my brakes. WHAP...BAM!!! at the same time of the brake slamming, the man was already stepping off the curb to go behind my car. because i had slammed on the brakes, the man's timing was off and i caused him to walk right into my car. i spin around with my hands in the air as if saying, "what the hell?" the man apparently thinking the same thing mimicked my actions. then realization hit! there was no dog! there was no need to make this man slam himself into my beloved mini cooper as if he had been body-checked against the glass in a hockey game. where had my mind gone?? first the money slot and now imaginary dogs??? i quickly pulled forward and stopped my car. everything...my actions...all came flooding down on me and i began laughing. i had acted like a maniac. i couldn't stop laughing, so i drove home chuckling to myself about my crazy experience at the post office.